Blinkers and Body Language Have A Lot in Common

Communication isn’t just about what we say; it’s also about what we don’t say. Every day, we rely on non-verbal cues to navigate social interactions, often without realizing it.

Think about driving: when you use your blinker, you’re giving others a heads-up about your next move. Without it, they’re left guessing, which can lead to confusion or even accidents. But here’s the thing—just as not everyone interprets turn signals the same way (ever been cut off by someone who ignored yours?), not everyone receives or understands non-verbal communication in the same way, either.

For people who are neurodivergent, who have experienced trauma, or who come from different cultural backgrounds, non-verbal signals aren’t always intuitive or universal. A lack of eye contact doesn’t always mean someone isn’t listening. A withdrawn posture doesn’t always mean disinterest. And, in the context of caregiving, especially birth and postpartum work, understanding these nuances is essential for building trust and safety.

What is Non-Verbal Communication?

Non-verbal communication includes:

✔ Body language (posture, gestures, facial expressions)

✔ Eye contact (or lack thereof)

✔ Tone of voice (even without words, tone conveys emotion)

✔ Physical touch (a reassuring hand on the shoulder, a hug—with consent)

✔ Personal space (how close or far we stand from someone)

But context matters. Trauma, neurodiversity, and personal boundaries all influence how people communicate non-verbally. When we assume that everyone should send or receive these cues in the same way, we create barriers instead of connection.

The Blinkers of Everyday Life

Just like turn signals on a car, our non-verbal cues help guide interactions but only if the other person knows how to interpret them.

🚗 Using your blinker = Giving others a heads-up about your next move, but they may still misunderstand or ignore it

😊 A smile = Can signal warmth, but for some, it might feel like masking or an expectation rather than a genuine emotion

🙅‍♀️ Crossed arms = Sometimes defensiveness, sometimes just a comfortable way to sit

👀 Avoiding eye contact = Could mean uncertainty or distraction—but for neurodivergent people, it may be a way to process conversation without overstimulation

🤝 A reassuring touch = Can be grounding for some, but triggering or uncomfortable for others

Society often expects people to communicate in neurotypical, dominant-culture ways: making eye contact, using open body language, smiling to be "approachable." But for many, these expectations aren’t natural, safe, or even helpful.

Rather than assuming a "correct" way to communicate non-verbally, we can practice curiosity and consent.

Non-Verbal Communication in Birth and Postpartum Support

For doulas, understanding non-verbal communication through a trauma-informed and neurodivergent-inclusive lens is critical. Here’s how it applies:

✨ Reading the Room with Sensitivity: A laboring person may not verbalize discomfort, but changes in breathing, muscle tension, or shifting posture can signal a need. However, some people mask discomfort due to past trauma so always ask, rather than assume.

✨ Holding Space Without Pressure: Some clients may find eye contact grounding, while others may feel overwhelmed by it. A calm presence can be reassuring without requiring direct engagement.

✨ Respecting Boundaries Without Judgment: If a client pulls away from touch or avoids verbal communication, it doesn’t mean they don’t appreciate support—it might mean they need space. Always check in: “Would it feel good if I held your hand?” or “Would you like me to stay close, or give you some space?”

✨ Building Trust Through Flexibility: Instead of expecting clients to match our way of communicating, we can meet them where they are. A quiet presence, mirroring their energy, or offering alternative ways to engage (such as writing or texting instead of talking) can foster trust.

How to Improve Your Non-Verbal Communication in a Trauma-Informed Way

Want to strengthen your ability to read and respond to non-verbal cues with inclusivity in mind? Try these steps:

✔ Ditch assumptions. Instead of assuming a facial expression or gesture means something specific, observe with openness or just ask.

✔ Check for consent. Before offering touch, entering personal space, or expecting eye contact, get explicit permission.

✔ Offer multiple ways to engage. If verbal conversation is overwhelming, consider alternative forms of communication, like text, written notes, or voice messages.

✔ Notice your own body language. Are you unintentionally signaling impatience, authority, or discomfort? Small shifts in posture or expression can change the dynamic.

✔ Respect different communication styles. Some people express themselves through movement, fidgeting, or even silence. It’s all valid.

Speak Without Saying a Word and Listen Without Expecting One Way of Speaking

Non-verbal communication is powerful, but it’s also deeply personal. Just as turn signals don’t guarantee other drivers will respond as expected, our gestures, tone, and presence won’t always be received the same way by everyone.

By being trauma-aware, inclusive, and consent-driven, we can build deeper trust, create safer spaces, and truly meet people where they are—without forcing them to conform to traditional social expectations.

Would you like to learn more about how trauma-informed communication plays a role in birth and postpartum support? Connect with us to explore the power of presence, care and connection.

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